Changes
by LavenderDreams
Summary: I woke up on a bright morning of August 1st with a distinct feeling of change waiting to surprise me. It was the sort of change that follows you around for a while, like a shadowy figure observing you from distance – you don't pay it any attention, until finally, it decides to present itself and turn your world upside down.
1. Prequel

_Dear reader, welcome! _

_I have just a few quick notes for you:_

_1. This chapter is more of a summary of Lili's life. Don't give up on it immediately, please. Next chapters will go into more details, more dialogues and whatnot. I warn you though, that James (although appearing here and there before) will properly appear in 5. chapter, until then the story is more centered on Lili's past and her current mindset, relationships whit family, etc. _

_2. I'm not a native English speaker, bear with me - I try my best. I would be happy if anybody wanted to proofread my stories though._

_3. Read away! (and leave a review :)_

* * *

_"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."_ _― Marilyn Monroe_

**PREQUEL**

I was once a happy little girl, with no worry in the world. I had an older sister, who was also my best friend and a best pair of parents one can imagine – loving, wise, happy. Then I learned I was a witch. A boy from neighborhood came to me and explained why all the strange things were happening around me. I guess it shouldn't have been such a surprise, but it came as shock to me, my parents and mostly to my sister Petunia. She was scared and perhaps a bit jealous. She refused to talk to me and called me a freak. I realize now that I can't really blame her for that. Was it me in her position, who knows how I would react? But I was just ten at that time and I didn't understand why she acted the way she did. And so, my heart was broken for the first time.

I didn't dwell on the fallout with my sister for long however. The boy that told me I was a witch – Severus, became my new best friend. He would tell me fantastic stories about magical world and we spent hours and hours talking and laughing. But we never talked about our families. I didn't want to talk about Petunia, an he... his family was a sore subject to him. I later learned that his father was alcoholic and fighting was a daily routine at their house. But that's another story... When my letter from Hogwarts came on my eleventh birthday, I already knew what it would say. A witch, that came to explain all about magic was very surprised at that. So I bought a wand and tons of magic books, and come September 1st I hopped on a train that took me to different world.

Perhaps because I had so much to learn and to take in, the first year at Hogwarts flew by in a flash. There were a few unpleasant encounters with students who seemed to think they were kings and queens of the castle, just because they came from the old so-called pure-blood magical families, but over-all it was a great year. I made some new friends and the best thing was, that when I came home, Petunia welcomed me. She still wasn't the biggest fan of magic, but when I assured her that I can't do magic at home, we became friendly once again. Still, the place of my best friend was already occupied by Severus.

Second year at Hogwarts went by much the same as the first one. Except the novelty and excitement of magic had disappeared and I started noticing other, less pleasant things. Like the fact that I still didn't feel quite at home in magical world. Or nasty comments on the friendship between me and Severus. There seemed to be an ongoing war between our houses and from what I heard, things weren't that great outside school in magical world either. But it was all just rumors, so I decided not to worry about it. Besides, by the end of second year something else was on my mind. The letters from my parents seemed to get shorter and less frequent and I was worried they were already forgetting me.

How I wish that was the true cause of this change... I will never forget the day I returned home that summer. Only my mom picked me up at the station and I instantly knew something was terribly wrong. Her smile didn't reach her usually sparkly eyes when she smiled. In fact, there were tears. "Mommy, whats wrong?" I asked her. But she wouldn't tell. Not until we got home.

That night I learned my father was sick. Cancer, they said. He put on a brave face and smiled and pretended everything was going to be alright. And I believed him. Until one night, that summer, Petunia came to me crying and said that daddy was going to die. She overheard my parents talking about it and begged me to do something. She said that doctors can't heal him, but surely magic can. And I promised her that I would help. I believed that if young madame Pomfrey can mend a broken bone in matter of minutes, surely she can heal my dad. So I wrote her a letter. The response I got was not what I expected. Some nonsense about magical law, healers and differences between magical and muggle diseases. There was only one thing clear in that letter – for one reason or another she couldn't help me, no one from magical world could. That was the first time magic has truly let me down.

For a few weeks I was determined to shout out the magical world completely. I was angry and disappointed and I never wanted to go to Hogwarts again. I didn't speak to Severus, who was desperately trying to reach me. Petunia and I drifted apart again. I promised her help, but I couldn't give it and she called me a liar. I smiled and tried my best to look happy for my parents, but I spent nights crying in my bed and my mom wasn't fooled. She soon figured what was going on with me. She took me in her arms and explained that we had time and hope and that she and dad wanted me to be happy. They wanted me to go back to school and write to them about all the exciting things I learned. She said it would make daddy happy.

So I went. With one decision in my head. If no-one else from magical world would help my dad, I would. And then everything would be OK again. Dad would be healthy again and Petunia would be my friend. So with new determination I poured my heart into studying. I went through all the books in the school library even remotely related to healing and diseased. I paid especially close attention to charms and potions since those were fundamental to becoming a good healer. Of course, I told Severus about my secret plan and he promised to help. He was a prodigy when it came to potions and I was really good at charms. Together, it felt like we were unstoppable. There was only one major downside to this however. As I dedicated all my time to studying, I drifted apart from my other friends. They didn't understand why I was doing it, I never told them. From what I've learned, my plan to save my dad with magic wasn't exactly legal and I was worried. So I kept it a secret.

Third year came and went, and I, although excelling in all my subjects and spending excessive time in library, was nowhere close to knowing how to cure my daddy. And over holidays I could see my dad, once a big strong man, becoming this shadow of a person. He would still crack silly jokes and smile for me, but I knew that we were running out of time. I secretly studied muggle medicine literature, hoping, that combining knowledge from both worlds would help. I couldn't sleep. I had to force myself to eat. I went back for my fourth year at Hogwarts refusing to give up. I was a desperate fourteen year old girl, trying to find a cure for cancer. And it was hopeless.

When I came back for Christmas, my dad was lying in bed, too weak to move. He asked me and Petunia to sit by his side. "Girls do you know what happens when a butterfly is born?" he asked. We both shook heads, confused, so he continued: "A caterpillar has to die. But it is alright, because it doesn't really die – the caterpillar lives in the butterfly and they are but one and a caterpillar in a butterfly can fly and enjoy the beauty of the world." Then he handed each of us an envelops and asked us to open it, when a butterfly will be born. I new he wasn't really talking about caterpillars and butterflies but I refused to acknowledge it. I knew, he was saying goodbye, but I refused to admit he was really going to die. I hid the envelop at the bottom of my school trunk, never wanting to open it.

That was our last Christmas as a whole family. My father died in March. The service was huge. My parents had many friends who came to pay their respects. But for me, it was just one long blur. I don't remember much from that day. I remember the feeling of finality when they closed the coffin and lowered it into the grave. My throat contracted and I couldn't breathe, when I realized, that I will never be able to see my dad again. And I cried harder then ever before. And then, when the service ended, we headed back to our house for the wake and I was finally able to collect myself enough to stop crying, Petunia grabbed my elbow and whispered into my ear "You promised to save him, but you didn't. I will never forgive you." My already broken heart teared to million pieces. My vision went dark and I collapsed.

I woke up next morning. Mom told me I collapsed from all the crying. She also told me I could stay at home for a few days, spend some time with family. But I wanted to get away from home. Away from painful memories. So I went back to school the day after funeral. Looking back at that day, I realize my mom was asking me to stay, to keep her company and it was selfish of me to go. But I went and in doing so I made a gap between me and my family, a gap that magic created in the first place, even bigger.

Some people say, that when a patient who was long suffering finally dies, it is a relief for his family, because living in the suspension, dreading the worst, not know when it is going to come is worse then death and loss itself. This did not apply to me. I felt guilty. I felt like I have failed everyone. So I dedicated myself to studies once again. I wasn't searching for cure anymore. But I had nothing else to do to keep my mind occupied. I didn't have any close friends besides Severus, and even he seemed distant these day. I figured he didn't really understand how much I miss my dad, when he hated his. So when Flitwick asked me if I would tutor some of his first years I gladly accepted this new form of distraction.

However, school couldn't keep me occupied forever. Fourth year drew to a close and I dreaded going home for summer. Mom picked up me at the station again. She was unusually silent, even considering the circumstances. I wondered if she was angry at me, but when I came home, Petunia reluctantly explained that mom was that way all the time nowadays. The silent house became unbearable for me after few days, so I took up some summer courses – namely contemporary dancing and drawing. I wasn't much good at any of them, but they provided me much needed escape from the reality. My drawings were usually dark and gloomy, and as form my dancing, my teacher said I would be a perfect dying swan, if there ever was a contemporary take on swan lake. But in a way, it made me happy. Or at least happier than I was anywhere else.

I also spent some time with Severus during summer. But it wasn't as it used to be. One day in the middle of holidays a boy – Alec – from my art class walked me home. It was nice talking to some who didn't know me. He made me laugh. When we came to our house, Severus was waiting for me. As soon as Alec turned the corner and disappeared from our sight, Severus started asking about him. He said I shouldn't socialize with muggles like that. We argued. Badly. I didn't speak with him for the rest of summer. In the mean time, Alec and me became a good friends. And on one summer evening I had experienced my first kiss. However, I knew our relationship wouldn't last past summer. I couldn't very well send him letters by owl from Hogwarts. So I ended things with him during last week of August. He took it quite well. So well that I wondered if he was going to dump me anyway if I didn't make it easy for him. But it was a nice month we spent together, so I didn't dwell on that possibility.

During that summer I also received an owl from headmaster Dumbledore. He made me a prefect. I should have been proud of myself, and perhaps I would have been, if my dad was alive, and my family wasn't such a mess. As it was, when the news came, I had no one to share it with. It just reminded me again that I failed. Failed to save my dad and hopes Petunia put in me. But I couldn't do anything about that anymore, so I took the chance and when September 1st came, I made my way to the prefect compartment of Hogwarts express.

To my surprise I met Severus there, along with other prefects. He gave me a hopeful smile. I returned it – I missed my only friend too much to hold a grudge. Then I took seat next to fellow Gryffindor prefect from my year – Remus Lupin. I didn't know him very well. I didn't know anyone from school but Severus very well. But it soon turned out that the prefect badge Dumbledore gave me was a blessing in disguise. It was my new chance to make friends. Remus was and still is one of the nicest people I ever met. And Alice and Frank – seventh year Gryffindor prefects and ruling head-girl and head-boy were the cutest couple on earth. As soon as Alice noticed me hanging out alone in library she invited me to hang out with her friends. However I wasn't the only one who met new friend that year. Severus did too. At first I was happy for him, but after few weeks, it became apparent to me, that we were no longer meeting in public places, as though he didn't want to be seen with me. He also got into a lot of fights, even with my friends. When I confronted him about it, he either denied it or accused me of neglecting him. It went like that for entire fifth year. Still, I stuck up for him in front of my friends, I defended him, I would even fight for him, if need be. And such a need occurred at the end of the year, just after we finished our last OWL exam. An incident by the lake that involved certain James Potter, Sirius Black, Severus hanging upside down suspended in mid-air and me sticking my neck up for my beloved friend, who apparently didn't want my help. It brought our friendship to an inevitable end. Of course, it was something I should have expected. It was long time in coming. But it still hurt me, more than I was willing to admit. And it came in time, when my life was just getting better. Devastated by betrayal, I sought solitude and refused comfort from my new friends until it was time to go home.

When holiday came, I threw myself into dance and art classes once more. Petunia was hanging out with her boyfriend – a bloke called Vernon, twice as big as Petunia herself and my mom was spending days at work. She seemed to be better than last summer, but we would rarely talk. It was as if three strangers lived in our house. I wrote an occasional letter to Alice – she began her auror training after leaving Hogwarts. I admired her courage. These were dangerous times. The rumors that were floating around for some years now seemed to be true. There was a dark wizard, trying to purify magical world by getting rid of muggle-borns and muggles. A wizard Severus was apparently eager to join. Just another joy to add to my life, I thought sometimes sarcastically.

At the end of summer I packed my trunk and took train to London. I was old enough to travel by myself and it seemed pointless to bother my family. However after I went through barrier that led to platform 9 and 3/4, I lost control of my trunk and collided with someone sending both our stuff flying everywhere. I apologized instantly, but the boy rounded on me. "Watch your step, Evans!" It was James Potter. I stared at him for a second and then something inside me snapped. I was sick of everybody pushing me around. I was sick of people abandoning me, blaming me, feeling sorry for me. I was sick of people in general. I wanted to yell and scream. And I did.

"God, I said I was sorry! Are you deaf?! Or are you still mad at me for turning you down?! Are you really that self-indulged? Why am I even asking, when I already know the answer is yes. I really don't understand how can someone so sweet and clever as Remus hang out with such a scum as you are!" Oh, it felt so good. For about three seconds. Then I realized what have I said. I saw Remus standing behind James staring at me in disbelief and a I froze. I saw Sirius opening his mouth to defend his friend, but James silenced him with a hand gesture.

"You completely lost it Evans. I think that your dear friend Snivellus left a permanent damage on you," James said in a cold calm voice. And I just stood there watching him as he collected his things and turned around to leave with his friends. He was right, I completely lost it. But as I saw dark figure with greasy hair watching the scene, I couldn't help myself.

"He is not my friend any more!" I yelled once more. And then I looked Severus in the eyes and in lower voice, but still loud enough so he could hear me I added: "He is dead to me for all I care." Then I collected my thing and got on the train.

Sixth year dragged by in immense slowness. I studied, I tutored, I ate, I slept. Sometimes I found myself on the receiving end of Marauders pranks. Sometimes I yelled at James at top of my voice. Most of the time the two of us led silent war. I don't even know why. It was petty. It was stupid. It was immature. And it's not like he caused all the misfortunes in my life. But we rubbed each other the wrong way, and once it started, there was no stopping. He would accidentally knock down my things when he walked past my desk, which Remus would help me collect, bless him. I would accidentally hit James with a hex in DADA class. Accidents were mostly all that happened. They just happened a little more often to us, than to normal people. It was a way for me to let out all of my frustrations, when I didn't have art and dance classes to do so. About half into the year however I started feeling tired of this war. James had his friends. Lots of them to support him. I had only one. And I couldn't talk to him about it, because, as it happened, Remus was also James' friend. And we silently agreed to avoid this touchy topic. I sometimes wondered if Remus was only friends with me because I figured out his deepest secret. Either way, I was glad for at least that. Otherwise I would be completely alone. People though I was weird and to be honest, who could blame them? I just didn't have energy to do anything about it. So I just waited for the year to end.

I quite looked forward to spending the summer same way as previous one. I signed up for art and dace classes as soon as I got home. I was of age in magical world and had an apparition license, so that was bound to be a little improvement for summer too. I was free to go wherever I pleased, but soon I found out, that there weren't many place I wanted to go. Magical world was turning to be a dark place in fear of war. So I settled myself for just going to my classes, studying my books and exchanging letters with Remus and Alice.

That is, until I woke up today, on a bright morning of August 1st with a distinct feeling of change waiting to surprise me.


	2. Change is inevitable

_"Change is inevitable. Progress is optional." –Tony Robbins_

**CHANGE IS INEVITABLE**

I woke up today, on a bright morning of August 1st with a distinct feeling of change waiting to surprise me.

It was the sort of change that follows you around for a while, like a shadowy figure observing you from distance – sometimes you catch a glimpse of it from the corner of your eye, but you don't pay it any attention, until finally, it decides to present itself and turn your life upside down. How did I know that? Well, despite being only seventeen, I lived through a fair share of life changing experiences. And although I didn't know what this one had in stock for me, I was terrified. Because so far, changes had only made my life miserable.

I opened my eyes and squinted at a clock. It was 7:32. Way sooner then I usually woke up. But the feeling in a pit of my stomach prevented me from going to sleep again. So I got out of my bed, slowly changed from my pajamas, went into bathroom to brush my teeth and comb my hair, and when I couldn't think of anything else to prolong the inevitable catastrophe – because I was convinced that this change would not be good, although my life could hardly get more miserable – I made my way down the stairs into our kitchen.

What I found was not what I was expecting. There she was, sitting at our kitchen table, sipping coffee, reading a magazine. A muffin on her plate and a light smile on her lips. She was humming some happy melody. Morning light was playing with her dark red hair. She looked content, happy even. It reminded me of old days. Was I still dreaming? Was this some sort of alternate universe?

When she heard me enter the kitchen, she looked up. In a second her expression turned hesitant, as if unsure of what to do. There we go, I thought, disappointed. Back to reality. But then she smiled at me in a way I haven't seen her smile in years. It was so bright, so radiant, that I found myself instantly smiling back, filled with some strange form of happiness.

"Hi Mom!" I greeted her.

"Hi darling, come have a breakfast with me." She beckoned me towards the table, as she got up to fetch me a plate. "Here, blueberry muffin and cocoa. It was your favorite when you were little." I had to pinch myself, to make sure I really _wasn't_ dreaming.

"Thanks mom, but... what's the occasion?" I asked her truly confused by her new behavior. I made my way to a chair wondering what did I miss.

She sat down at the chair next to me and turned to face me."I wanted to talk to you for some time now, but there never seemed to be time. I was beginning to think that you are avoiding me." My mom said it in perfectly light tone, but there still was a hint of question and even a hint of accusation.

She smiled at me suggestively and I looked down at my hands in shame. To be honest, I _was_ avoiding my mom. For the past two summers, my mom was a walking reminder of what happened to my dad. She was so sad and silent, and I just didn't want to face it. A true Gryffindor I am, I told myself sarcastically. How could I have been so blind as to not notice this change in my own mom? Surely it didn't happen overnight. But thinking about it now, I did notice some changes during this summer. I noticed our fridge was always full with fresh food as opposed to takeout leftovers that filled it last year. Our house was sort of cleaner (I blamed Petunia's freakish obsession with cleaning for that one). My mom looked healthier, despite late hours she pulled at her work. Small changes like that. I didn't pay them any attention, but now it all started making sense.

"I'm sorry mom," I said still looking at my hands, feeling guilty.

"Now now, darling, no need to be sorry." She took one of my hands in both of hers. "This family has been through a lot in the past years and I haven't made it any easier for my daughters." She heaved a deep sight and looked out of the window. "When your dad died, I felt lost, I didn't know what to do. I couldn't deal with reality. It took me two long years to come to terms with all that unresolved feelings. But I didn't realize my daughters needed me in the mean time." When she looked back at me, there were tears glistening on her cheeks and she was pleading with her eyes. "Can you ever forgive me for that?"

It was heartbreaking to see her like that. "Oh, Mom!" I got out of my chair and hugged her. "Of course I forgive you." And she hugged me back and in a matter of seconds, both of us were crying and laughing at the same time. As I cried I felt strange weight lifting from my chest. Weight I didn't even know was there. Because I had my mom back. I looked out of the window, still holding onto my mom, and the sun seem to shine brighter and I was thanking God, Merlin, and all the forces in the universe for this moment.

"Thank you" my mom whispered in my ear. Then she pulled back and held me by my shoulders at arms length. She was scrutinizing my face so intensively it made me feel slightly uncomfortable. I forgot how her blue eyes could make you feel, as though she could see right through you. "You have grown so much in the past years. I can't believe that I missed it." She finally let go of me and I returned to my chair.

An uncomfortable silence spread between us, disrupted only by ticking of clock at the wall. I mused about some light topics we could talk about, but one thing was nagging at my brain.

"Mom, if you don't mind me asking... what happened? I mean when dad... we were all sad, but... and how... why now?" I was struggling to find the right words to formulate my question, but I knew my mom understood what I wanted to know.

"I thought you might ask that," she sighed. "Well, the scientific term would be pathological grief. I won't go into gory details. The point is, it's not completely normal to be grieving for so long, and one of my colleagues noticed that something was not right. That is has been too long for me to still be such a mess. He made me face my problems." I raised my eyebrow curiously at the _he_ and my mom smiled. "Yes, _he_, but don't get any ides. Anyway, I visited psychologist, I took up some exercises and started taking care of myself again. It took some time, but I'm alright now. Enough about me though. What about you? Any boys I should worry about?" she laughed. I missed hearing that sound. "And what happened to Severus?"

I made a face at that. She struck a painful chord with the last question. Not only was it obvious reminder of how absent she has been from my life, the Severus related memories were locked away in the part of my brain labeled _Dangerous. Don't open. _Mom noticed my reaction, by I was saved from response, because Petunia, bless her, chose that moment to enter the kitchen.

"Morning," she said casually and it dawned on me, that she already knew what was going on with mom. "Aren't you late for work?"

"No, I took the day off. I wanted to make sure Lily won't bale on me again, so we could talk." mom replied with a wink in my direction. I felt a pang of guilt again for avoiding her.

"Right," said Petunia dryly, and she rolled her eyes, but made sure my mom couldn't see her. I however saw her clearly. I wonder if my relationship with my sister would ever be mended. I came to conclusion that it was unlikely it would ever get better. We didn't fight. We interacted, if we had to. But that was about it. We grew up to be two different people. We...

My thoughts were interrupted by tapping on a window. A huge gray owl hoovered behind it with two envelopes tied to her leg. I got out of my chair and let the owl in. It landed on the back of my char and stuck out it's leg, patiently waiting for me to free it of it's load, hooting occasionaly. I recognized the envelopes as Hogwarts official letters. I just wandered why there would be two. There weren't any exam results to be delivered. I untied the envelopes and the owl took of immediately. Sitting down at my table I opened the first envelope. It was a classic Hogwarts letter containing list of books and supplies needed for the next year. I scanned it quickly. I took quite a lot of subjects – not having decided yet, what I want to do after leaving Hogwarts, I wanted to keep my options opened. The list was therefore quite long. The bottom of the list caught my eye. Formal evening attire. What? What for? There were no balls or formal events at Hogwarts and I was quite happy about that.

My mom notice I was scowling at the piece of paper in my hand. "What's wrong?".

"I need an evening gown. Or dress robes or something," I muttered.

Petunia snorted, as though the idea of me in a gown was completely ridiculous, but she quickly masked it with a cough.

"Sorry, the muffin got stuck in my throat," she explained quickly when mom looked at her.

"Well, why do you say it as if it was a bad thing?" mom turned back to me, confused.

I opened my mouth to give my mom the answer to her question, only to realize that I didn't have one. Why was an idea of some dance party so disturbing to me? I pictured myself in a pretty gown with make up on and my hair done. There was nothing wrong with that. I wasn't one of the girls who refused elegance on some feminist principle or something. I just never saw the point of dressing up and putting on make up. Then I pictured myself enjoying the party in a Great hall, only to come up with an image of myself standing alone by the table with drinks looking longingly at Remus dancing with some blonde beauty. I discarded that image immediately and shook my head. Mom raised her eyebrow curiously at me.

"Uh, um... I guess there will be some sort of formal dance and I can't ballroom dance," I came up with a quick lie. Well, it wasn't a complete lie I tried to shut up my bad conscious. In fact, it was true, I never took lessons in ballroom dancing. I smiled at my mom in hopes she would accept my excuse. She held my gaze a second longer, then was normal, telling me silently she didn't buy it, but then she returned my smile. She was willing to let it go, for now at least.

"Plenty of time to change that. Now, open that second envelope, I want to see what's in there. I have a good feeling about it."

"Sure," I said skeptically. But I reached for it anyway. It was bigger and heavier than the first one and there was something small and solid in it. I ripped the envelope open and reached for the solid object. It was a badge, mach like my prefect one. Except there were two silver letters in the middle of the Hogwarts crest. Those letters were HG. I stared at it in confusion.

"What is it?" asked mom eagerly. I handed her the badge.

"I was made a head girl, I guess," I said, unsure of what to think of it. Sure, I was top of the class, but that was only because I had nothing better to do than study. I had no friends to hang out with and too many bad memories to forget. Studying was a good way to occupy myself. But head students were usually people known for their leadership and social skills aside from their good marks. And those were qualities I lacked severely. I was the person people pointed their fingers at in corridors and whispered stories, when they thought I couldn't see or hear them. Who would listen to me? What was Dumbledore thinking? I made to take out the rest of the content from envelope, but I was interrupted , when my mum jumped from her chair and hugged me from behind.

"That's amazing, Lily! Isn't it great Petunia?" My mom either forgot, what was it like between me and Petunia, or she pretended to not know, and we played along.

"Yeah, congratulations Lily," smiled Petunia forcefully.

"We need to celebrate this!" Mom continued happily. "How about a nice dinner at restaurant? Just my girls and me? Tonight."

I could see Petunia already thinking up an excuse not to come and celebrate my success, but I really wanted this for mom, so I took the lead.

"That sounds great. Is seven okay for you Petunia?" I asked sweetly, throwing her a suggestive look. For a few seconds we led a silent war with our looks, but then she gave up.

"I'm going to meet Vernon in the afternoon, but I'll be here at seven."

"How is he? Is he still working in his fathers company?" Mom asked about Vernon. Petunia took this opportunity to describe how fantastic and successful her boyfriend is and I tuned her out.

I finally took out the letters that were enclosed to the badge. One of them was list of duties and organization notes for head students. I scanned the list. There were stuff like conducting prefect meetings, organizing patrols and supervising organization of Yule Ball. There we go, I sighed. Not only I have to buy a gown, I have to organize the whole thing. Just perfect. I continued down the list. There were some good stuff too. Privileges like unlimited access to all parts of library, no curfew and private quarters for head students. This made me wonder who the head boy was, so I took the second letter.

Please be it Remus. Please be it Remus. Please, be it Remus. He is smart, nice, loyal. He is my only friend. And.. okay, I have a tiny bit of crush on him. But he would make a great head boy anyway, I reasoned with myself. Then I started reading.

_Dear Miss Evans,_

_we are pleased to inform you that you have been selected as Head Girl for this year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. We have considered many candidates and decided, that the combined abilities of you and selected Head Boy, James Potter, will bring the school..._

I stopped right there. Was Dumbledore kidding me? Me and James Potter? Voldemort himself would do less damage then "combined abilities of me and James Potter", as Dumbledore so nicely put it. Why? Why was this happening to me?! Was our headmaster really that sadistic? Didn't he know? Well, he probably didn't. And in a way it made sense, because James is everything that I am not. He is popular, outspoken, natural leader. But he is also an egoistic bully. So why? And why me? I felt like crying. Was it my destiny to suffer for eternity. I mean, he couldn't pick a worse pair.

"What's wrong, honey?" Petunia stopped her glorifying rant about Vernon and this gave my mom the opportunity to turn back to me. And of course she noticed the miserable look I was giving the letter from Dumbledore. I tried to compose myself, but she wasn't fooled.

"Okay, spill. You have been dodging some answers for entire morning. It's time to spill." she gave me the look that suggested, that she won't let me leave the table until I tell her everything. And it wasn't like I didn't want to tell her. I just didn't want to spoil this beautiful happy morning with all my troubles and misfortunes at school. But I knew my mom wouldn't budge. I thought about when the things started going downhill for me in school. It all came down to my dad.

"Well, remember how I didn't want to go back to school after finding out dad was ill? Eventually I went back. I wanted to learn how to save him with magic, I wanted to cure him, but I couldn't. I failed," I felt tears prickle at my eyes and I sniffed. This was very difficult for me to say, none of the thing I was going to say were easy to admit.

"Dear," mom took my hands into hers. "You shouldn't have dealt with that, no child ever should deal with such a burden. I had no idea. How did it even occur to you?"

I looked at Petunia. She was carefully avoiding eye-contact. "Well, I just thought that magic could help him. Anyway," I took a deep breath to calm myself, "I spend most of my third and fourth year locked away in library with Severus, so naturally, I lost all of my friends, except him." My mom was holding my hands so tightly she was stopping my circulation. But It was comforting, in a way, so I continued. "When the fifth year came, Severus found some new friends. They didn't approve of our friendship, because... because I don't come from magical family."

"Nonsense," said my mom indignantly. "You are such a sweet and clever girl."

"Well, they don't think so. Or rather the don't care. And neither does Severus. At the end of our fifth year he got into fight with one of our classmates, James Potter. I defended Severus, but then he said some stuff.. " My throat was tight and it was hard for me to speak, but I took another deep breath and continued. "We are not friends any more. I don't have friends at school, except for Remus – my fellow prefect from my house, but he is friend of James, so it's complicated. We are not that close." I omitted the facts that he is werwolf and I fancy him.

"So what's wrong with this James person? Aside from kicking Severus's ass, and I'm starting to thing that's actually a plus, if he was willing to let go of you. "

I smiled at my moms antics. I missed it so much and it was so nice to have her defend me.

"I was angry at all of that crappy stuff happening to me, and one day, James just set me off. And ever since then we lead war. Nothing major, mostly petty stuff that can be fixed quickly. But it's constant. It's been like that the entire sixth year. And now he is head boy and I have to work with him." When I finished, silence fill our kitchen for the second time that morning.

"I should have been there for you," said mom after a while. "I should have know about these things when they were happening." She was so distressed by my story, that I had to comfort her somehow.

"I don't think it would have made any difference," I said truthfully.

"But Lily, how can you say that!?"

"In a way, I think it was inevitable. I don't regret most of the things I did, like trying to save dad or sticking up for Sev. Other things I had no control over, so there is no point wondering about what ifs, even if I don't like what happened. The only thing that really bothers me right now is this mess with Potter. I just wish I could stop this train if bad things happening in my life." I sighed. I didn't like Potter, but really, there was no point to our war.

"You have became a mature young lady, you know," mum smiled proudly. "I'm sure we will find a way to fix this. In fact, I think I know just a place where we can start." She got up briskly. "Meet me here in ten minutes. We are going out." She smiled at me mysteriously and disappeared in the door-frame. I stared at her, baffled. Then I got up and followed her suit, going to put on something more respectable than a pair of old shorts and tattered T-shirt. As I was leaving, I heard Petunia's 'hmph', but when I turned to ask her what did she want, she was reading a magazine.


	3. We have to start somewhere

_"You can't just wish change; you have to live the change in order for it to become a reality." ― Steve Maraboli_

**WE HAVE TO STRAT SOMEWHERE**

"A hairdresser? You seriously think a new haircut is going to help me in my situation?" I stared at my mum. She couldn't be serious. I mean... hellooo! I don't need to seduce Potter.

"I'm sorry dear, but if you want people to respect you, you should look respectable." She pinched a strand of my hair with her fingers. "And that is not respectable looking hair. We have to start somewhere and it may give you much needed self-confidence boost."

I huffed. Well, now I knew where Petunia got her ideology. But I had to admit she had a point. My hair was a mess. I haven't cut it in years, it was frizzy and the ends were split. I used some basic shampoo and brushed it patiently, but that was about it. I always admired mum's sleek wavy hair, so reluctantly I unbuckled myself and got out of car. Besides, Remus my appreciate some change, I thought hopefully.

"Just don't let them chop it all off," I said worried. She just laughed.

As we entered the saloon, I realized this was not just ordinary hairdresser, it was very luxurious hair&beauty saloon. I looked at my mom with concern. We were never poor, but this was bound to cost a lot of money. But she just smiled encouraging me to go on. A guy with an ID card on his chest presenting him as Tim jumped to us immediately. He was short, thin and was wearing probably more make-up than my mom. It made me slightly uncomfortable.

"Welcome to Edward's Hair&Beauty saloon. What can I do for you?" he asked in a friendly voice. His eyes sparkled with excitement – he obviously loved his job – and I relaxed instantly. While my mom explained to him what it was she wanted for me, I looked around. We were standing in some sort of entrance lobby. I could see pictures of crazy hairstyles on the walls and I really hoped I wouldn't end up as one of the models in those pictures. I had to admit it probably took some skill to shape the hair that way without magic, but... urgh, no way I was going to walk away from this place with giant bow of purple and green hair. There were also awards from hairdressing competitions, several certificates and pictures of celebrities. I was mildly surprised that such seemingly prestigious saloon was located in Cokeworth. Although this was large town, it was in no way a center of social life. In fact I found this town quite gloomy most of the time and I knew for a fact that Petunia's sole goal in life was to get out of here.

I was soon taken into main room and seated in a comfortable chair in front of a large mirror. Tim introduced us to several other people that were supposed to take care of me. They were all extremely nice to me but it just made me feel uneasy and out of place. Tim was alright, but others were a little too nice, if you know what I mean. It was unnatural. And when all at once they attacked me with their tools - yes, there is no better word for it than attack – I had a hard time restraining myself from some bitter remarks or slapping their hands away. But my mom looked so happy about it, that I bit by lip and stayed put.

Two hours of eyebrow plucking, face scrubbing, nail trimming, hair washing and rewashing, one close encounter between scissors and my ear and a very disgruntled hairdresser later (I refused to let him dye my hair shocking pink) I was out of the devils den, looking remarkably normal. I still had my long red hair, though now it fell just past my shoulders in sleek and shiny waves. They also did something with my face and I had to grudgingly admit, I quite liked the result. I made mental note to look into some beauty charms – there was no way I would ever pay (or let my mom pay) that much money for this, but she was definitely onto something, when she said it would give me confidence. I did feel rather good about myself.

"Now, Lily, I don't want you to become some shallow wain bimbo, " she teased me when she caught me looking in the car mirror as we made our way back home.

"Mom!" I said horrified at the suggested accusation.

"What?" she asked innocently. "You were always pretty girl, but now... well you will be quite a catch, when I'm done with you today."

"What do you mean, are we not done yet?" I asked.

"Nope" was the cheerful reply I got. Just then I noticed we were pulling up in front of the mall. I groaned as I realized her intentions. To say that I wasn't fan of shopping would be an understatement. All that dressing and undressing, and lots of people everywhere... It was Petunia's forte, not mine. Even when we were little, she went from shop to shop with mum, while I tagged along with dad into hardware and electronics stores. I felt a pang of pain in my heart as I remembered my dad explaining what were the tools made for and how they worked.

"But you have already payed so much money at the saloon. Besides I have everything I need." I tried to persuade my mom it was unnecessary to waste any more money on me, desperately wanting to avoid the mall.

"Oh, really?" she rose a skeptical eyebrow at me. "I can tell that the bra you are wearing doesn't fit you properly, because, that shirt you are wearing is too small for you and shows it off."

"Mom!" I cried. I was sure that my face color was matching my hair. I looked down and draw my hands around my chest protectively. She was right, though. I never cared much for fashion, and in the past years I only bought items that were absolutely necessary and tried to alter everything else with magic to fit me as I grew up. It didn't bother me if the result wasn't perfect. After all, I didn't need much clothing since I spent most of my year in school uniform. But I was mortified at my mom's observation.

"Lily," my mom turned to me with a cautious face. By this point we have come to full stop at the parking lot by the mall. "I have missed so much during past years and I can't possibly hope to repair our relationship in one day. And I wish I could help you with your problems at school, however there is only so much I can do. You will have to deal with it mostly yourself, I'm afraid. But I can do this," she gestured to my chest and then towards the mall.

I sighed. My mom was acting as though anytime I would burst out angry, accusing her of all the horrible things that happened to me and truth to be told, now that the excitement of having her back wore of a bit, I was starting to feel a touch of resentment towards her for abandoning me in time of need. The fact that she mentioned it every five minutes didn't help. I knew it was irrational and I knew she was genuinely trying her best to make this work, but it felt as though she was trying too hard.

Seeing the emotions play on my face she added pleadingly. "I'm not trying to buy you off, even though it may seem so. Please let me do this for you."

In the end I gave in. And it wasn't as horrible as I expected. Aside from the mortifying experience in underwear shop. When the assistant asked me what size of bra I needed and I had no idea. This led to taking the size measurements, which I was very self conscious about, but it was still less embarrassing than the choices of underwear my mom picked for me. Aside from some basic nude pieces – "Nude seamless underwear is a must-have for every woman, Lily!") – she decided it was absolutely necessary for me to have heaps of lace and satin always at hand. The pajamas and nightgown she picked weren't much better off, but she refused to take into considerations any of my objections, much to the amusement of shop assistant, who heartily approved, saying she wished she had a mother like that at my age.

"Honestly, mom, are you trying to get me knocked up, or what?" I muttered, but she didn't hear me, as she was admiring yet another satin piece. By the time we have finished in mall it was time for dinner and I had a whole new closet in my hands. I was also pretty sure my mom was in lifelong debt, but she just waved away all of my concerns, saying it wasn't so much considering I have hardly bought anything in the past years.

Dinner with Petunia was surprisingly going quite pleasantly. For some reason Petunia was extra nice to me, asking about our day at the mall. She even complimented my hair. When the theme of my shopping spree was exhausted, we joined forces to cross-examine our mum about the mysterious colleague who helped her through the rough time. Then the deserts arrived and Petunia dropped the bombshell. Vernon proposed that afternoon. Apparently he was offered a job in Surrey and he wanted to move there with Petunia. They wanted to have wedding in May. We were shocked. After all, Pet was only two years older than me, just out of school, planing to go to university. But I understood her desire to find permanent place away from Cokewroth. It never occurred to me to come back here after school either. I always planned to find my own place after school too. Mom on the other hand wasn't too pleased with the news. She thought Petunia was too young to get married and she wanted her to go to uni. The conversation quickly escalated into huge row between my sister and mom. I refused to take sides and was very relieved when the bill finally arrived. When we got home after uncomfortably silent ride, everyone went their separate ways.

Even so, at half past nine I found myself knocking on the door to Petunia's room.

"You can't forbid me to get married!" came the response from within. She thought I was mom.

"It's me, Tuney!" I called to make myself known.

"What do you want, freak?" She opened the door. She was still in a foul mood, still wearing the dress from the dinner and her eyes were slightly puffy, but she did her best to hide the fact that she was crying.

"Can I come in?"

She rolled her eyes but stepped aside to let me in. I perched myself on the stool by her vanity mirror observing the vast amounts of beauty products there. I noticed a purple bottle that the hairdresser used on my hair today.

"What is this?" I asked picking up the bottle. "They used this on my hair to smooth it today at the saloon."

"Hair conditioner. You can have it, it doesn't suit my hair." It was a rare occasion when Petunia was willing to give away something.

I studied the bottle. It contained lavender, lemongrass and argan oil and I wondered if I could brew a potion based on these ingredients. "Thanks," I said, turning my attention back to her. She was sitting on her bed, playing with the bow on her dress, not meeting my eyes. "How do you feel?"

"Terrific," she deadpanned. "How do you think I feel, Lily?" The question sounded rather harsh.

I shrugged. I didn't really have much experience in the area of relationships. "Do you love him?" I asked bluntly. Petunia pondered my question.

"Yes, I suppose so," she answered. That didn't sound very convincing, and I said so to her. She sighted. "Vernon and I, we fit together. He can give me the life I seek - I just want to get out of here, have a nice house and start my own family. Is that so much to ask?"

"What about university? Don't you want to go? You can go to London, it's not far from Surrey and you could still see Vernon. Haven't you already applied?" It seemed like a much more reasonable option to me.

"I never really wanted to go to uni," Petunia admitted. "For me, it was just on option, on how to get away from here. You were always the academic one."

This revelation came as a surprise, although it wasn't so far from how I perceived my own education. Studying was a sort of escape for me too. Still, I couldn't see what was the rush with getting married and starting family. Petunia tried to explain.

"I don't need or want some fantastic adventure. Lily. Love isn't always meant to be some great romantic ride. I think the more exciting the ride, the worse is the inevitable crash at the end. I would rather take the safe way." This idea she presented didn't sit well with me. Even after everything I went through, I refused to give up on the idea, that one day a charming prince will come and sweep me of my feet, but Petunia persisted. "Take you and that Snape boy for example"

"What about me and Sev? We were just friends. I never dated him." I was truly confused.

"No, but you loved him, didn't you? As a friend, I mean. And from the way he was looking at you and acting, he loved you too. Probably more than you loved him."

"That's not true. He wouldn't have done those things if he loved me," I defended myself quietly. Somehow the idea that Severus loved me more than I loved him - more than just a friend, upset me greatly. It implied ideas I didn't want to face. It made me feel guilty, because I always told myself that he didn't care. I blamed him for everything. It was easier that way.

"Wouldn't he?" prodded Petunia. "Imagine how hurt he must have been, when you so obviously didn't return his feelings."

"Stop!" I didn't want to – couldn't hear it. I saw bewildered expression on my sister's face. She didn't realize how much she had upset me. I fled her room.

"Lily!" she called after me. But I was already out of her door.

Once I was in my own room, I opened the drawer on my table and took out carved wooden box. Inside was a wooden pendant on a leather string. It was small lily. Both pendant and the box were carved by hand and wand of one Severus Snape, who gave it to me for my fourteenth birthday. He apologized for not giving me anything more valuable, because he had no money to spare. At that time I thought it was the best gift I have ever received. It must have taken him weeks to create it. Silent tear rolled down my cheek as I wonder if Petunia was right. What if it was true? What if my ignorance pushed him towards evil?

In my silent reverie I didn't notice mum entering my room until she sat beside me on the floor. She took the box from my hands and examined it.

"It's beautiful. Is it from Sev?"

I looked up surprised. "How did you know?"

"Lucky guess," my mom smiled. "Wanna tell me what's going on?" she asked wiping a tear from my cheek with her thumb softly. It was a gesture my dad used to do, whenever I was upset. More tears were threatening to fall, but I blinked my eyes and will them away, telling myself to be strong. I explained what Petunia had suggested about Sev. When I finished, mom took my hand.

"Sweetheart, as much as I hate to upset you, Tuney might be right. But even if he loved you more than just a friend, you should never blame yourself, for the paths he chose. You didn't know, and even if you did, it wouldn't change much. Our environment influences us greatly, especially at young age. You know the situation at Spinner's End. Children coming from such background often seek ways to become more powerful and in control. You can't hold yourself responsible."

I nodded, even though I wasn't entirely sure I understood what she meant. Mom stood up and stroke my hair.

"Go to sleep, my darling, it was a long day."

Next two weeks went by in a blur. Acting on the encouragement from my mom, I made extra effort in my art and dance classes to speak with my classmates, instead of isolating myself as usual. At first I felt self-conscious and unconfortable, but soon I started enjoying myself and making new friends. It wasn't really that hard. I also wrote to Alice and Remus, to share the news about being Head Girl.

Remus, of course already knew from James and I was wondering how they took the news. Was Remus disappointed he wasn't selected? Was James as horrified as I was about us working together. I tried to encrypt some of my questions in the letter without sounding too nosy. Remus being the genius he is, understood my worries and skillfully included indirect answers to my questions in his letter, stating that he was very happy for me, but was especially thrilled about the Head Boy choice, since it had given him opportunity to pay back all the teasing he endured from James as prefect. He also wrote that I should prepare myself for a dose of old fashioned genltemanhood, since he supposedly witnessed Mrs. Potter giving James and Sirius a lecture on proper behavior of wizard in presence of a lady not long after the Hogwarts letters arrived. I wondered what happened there. The thought of Potter being lectured by his mom sure made me laugh.

When I wrote to Alice, I asked her, if she could meet with me sometime. I wanted to ask her about Head Girl stuff, but I had also decided to keep in closer touch with the few friends I had in magical world. We arranged to meet in the backyard of Leaky Cauldron by the entrance to Diagon Alley on August 15th. By that time mom and Petunia made up. Mom grudgingly came to terms with the fact, that her daughter was going to get married in less than a year and went into full on planning mode. She decided that after my meeting with Alice she would join me and we would get my school supplies. Than we planned to go into muggle London, where Petunia would join us and we would go looking for dresses.

It seemed like a great plan and I was very much looking towards it. On the morning of 15th I woke up feeling excited. As I prepared to leave I smoothed my hair and put on my new black skinny jeans and lime green peplum top. I picked the color because I was in the mood for something happy and cheerful, knowing full well that with my red hair it would make me very noticeable. I even went as far as contouring my eyes with eyeliner and applying mascara and lipstick. I didn't know who else beside Alice I might meet and in the name of changing my reputation at Hogwarts from weird know-it-all to respectable Head Girl it seemed as a good idea to put some effort into appearance, just in case. I headed out whistling tune I heard in the radio from Petunia's room.

However my cheerful mood was put to test as I apparated to the backyard of Leaky Cauldron, directly into group of four people, knocking two of them down, then loosing my balance as well and ungracefully sprawling on the paved ground on top of one of them. It was a guy and he had very quick reflexes, because in the split second between his and mine fall, he managed to turn around and stick out one hand in and attempt to catch me. Unfortunately for him, I was falling with more momentum than he expected and I heard an unmistakable crack coming from his bone as it gave out under my weight. More still to add to my embarrassment and his misfortunes, as I was falling I opened my mouth to take a deep breath, only to have the wind knocked out of me and my jaw forcefully shut by the crash. A second later I found my teeth sunk into the nose of poor bloke underneath me, tasting blood in my mouth.

Horrified I quickly lifted my head and released his nose. Only then I looked at him properly and my heart dropped as I looked into the eyes of very, very angry James Potter.

"Evans!"

Well, thanks life, really!


	4. Change in perspective

_If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. – Wayne Dyer_

**CHANGE IN PERSPECITIVE**

I closed my eyes, frozen on spot. Behind me I heard someone howling with laughter. I didn't need to look to know it was Black. I felt heat rushing to my face. Taking a deep, calming breaths I spoke to myself. _Yes Lily_, _in and out, nice and deep, in and out. Don't yell at him. In and out. _When I was sure I wouldn't do anything stupid, I opened my eyes. I could see Peter Pettigrew clumsily scrambling to his feet next to me. Which meant the fourth person I registered in the second before my fall was most likely Remus. I turned my head around and peeked. Yep, it was him. He had an amused smile on his face. I groaned. Well, at least he wasn't laughing like the lunatic beside him, but I would still rather evaporate than face this humiliation. Merlin, why was it always me?

"Evans!" angry voice made me jerk. "Would you be so kind and get up?" James muttered through gritted teeth.

"Right, sorry." I was still pining him down on the ground. I lifted myself on all fours and then stood up as gracefully as I could manage in my shaken state. Wobbling slightly in my damned heels – it was their fault I lost my balance – I stepped aside and offered my hand to Potter. He ignored it with a glare. That's when Black finally took notice of his bloody face and stopped laughing.

"Blimey, what have you done to him?" he turned to me. I saw his eyebrows hit his hairline when he took in my new, though by recent events somewhat disheveled, appearance. His eyes slowly traveled up and down my body, causing me to blush even more that I already was. "Looking good, Evans," he finally said with a cocky grin, all thoughts of James apparently forgotten.

Prat. His friend was in pain and he was ogling me like there was no tomorrow. If I was honest though, a small part of me was pleased with his reaction. A very tiny part. The larger, more reasonable part, was disturbed and angry, because it knew he would go back to calling me ugly names the second I took my make-up and heels off and I didn't like being objectified this way.

"Ehm, Sirius, a little help here?"

Remus was helping James get up. The guy was clutching his broken arm tightly to his body and struggling to get to his feet, drops of blood falling on his grey T-shirt. My throat tightened when I observed the damage I had done. At least I knew how to fix it. During my medicine study session I came across many healing spells, that came in handy last year, when I found myself on the receiving end of Marauders' pranks. I took out my wand and stepped cautiously towards James.

"I can mend your arm and nose," I offered in good will. After all, all of this was my fault and I was also ready to end our petty wars from last year. He recoiled as if I carried some deadly plague.

"Haven't you done enough damage already?" he snapped at me.

I opened my mouth to reply, my temper flaring up instantly. I was ready to start a fight with him, when the look Remus was giving both of us stopped me in my tracks. He was... disappointed? My heart sunk. How could I expect Remus to like me if I was constantly fighting with his friend. I looked down in shame.

"I just wanted to help," I said quietly. "I didn't hurt you on purpose." I took a few steps back and rested my back against the wall next to hidden entrance to Diagon Alley. I listened as Sirius healed Potters injuries.

"You should take a dose of Skele-grow to strengthen your arm bone mate," Black advised and I had to admit I was impressed with his knowledge in healing department. He probably did better job then I would.

"Lily is hurt too."

I looked up, surprised at Remus' observation. I was not aware of any injuries. He looked pointedly at my hands. I lifted them to my face. My palms were scratched and slightly bloody from trying to stop my fall. Once again I felt warmth hit my face. But this time it was a good warmth, happy. Remus was looking out for me. I smiled.

"Are you crazy, Evans?" Black had approached me with his wand, looking at me curiously, his head cocked to one side. He was staring at me very intensively.

It occurred to me that I must look really strange, looking at my bloody hands with a broad smile on my face.

"Am alright, it's nothing," I mumbled, hiding my hands behind my back. I realized how childish that action was, but I couldn't help it. It was unnerving having someone like Black standing so close to me.

"Don't be silly." he gently pried one of my hands from behind my back. He cleaned it and then muttered healing spell. It made me fidget. I couldn't quite wrap my head around the fact that he was not only civil, but was going out of his way to be nice to me. It was very out of character for him, even if it wasn't me – the sworn enemy of his best friend – standing there.

"I don't understand. Why are you nice to me?" I finally asked. He ignored me. "Is it because how I'm looking today?"

He lifted his eyes from my hand and cocked one eyebrow up. "You _are_ crazy, Evans." He then took my second hand and repeated the same procedure of cleaning and healing silently. Then he simply dropped it and turned around.

"You are welcome," he remarked sarcastically, when I didn't thank him. He joined his friends, who were now making their way into Diagon Alley. Remus gave me a small smile and then all of them disappeared through a hole in the brick wall. I just stared at them dumbfounded as the hole closed again.

"You look like you have seen Inferi, " came an amused voice from my right a minute later. I jumped and turned to it's owner.

"Alice!" I screamed and ran to her, giving her a bone crushing hug. "When did you get here? I haven't heard you apparate."

"Whoa," she breathed when I released my grip. "I just came in through floo at Leaky Cauldron." She put her arm at my shoulders and checked me out, much like Black has done not so long ago.

"You have changed so much. It's good to see that you have finally ditched that uptight bun," she said approvingly, messing my hair.

"You've changed too." I eyed her. She was always taller than me, but her previously long hair was cut into short pixie hairstyle. She also had a lot more muscle.

"Yeah, well, auror training will do that to you," she admitted sheepishly.

"What is it like? Tell me about it." I begged.

"In a minute. Let's go find someplace where we can sit down and talk." She tapped the magical passage and stepped through a hole. I followed her. But the minute I took into the scenery in front of me I stopped rooted to spot. Alice noted that I wasn't following.

"Lily? Come on!" She called and continued. When I still didn't move she turned around. "What's wrong, Lily?"

I finally looked at her. "This," I gestured around myself. "What happened?" I was in Diagon Alley little more than a month ago, at the beginning of the summer and it already looked gloomy with lot's of shops closed, but it was nothing like now. At least half of the shops were closed and boarded up and some buildings bore unmistakable signs of fire and spells hitting them. Only a handful of wizards were out in the open, and most of them appeared to be in hurry to get away from this place. It was a far cry from busy colorful Diagon Alley I remembered from my first visit to magical world. Alice was looking at me surprised.

"Haven't you heard? There was a Death Eater attack two weeks ago. A lot of people were hurt too." She gave a deep sight. "This Voldemort business is getting out of control."

"I... I didn't know." A shiver ran down my spine. "Was someone... did someone die?" Alice noded sadly.

"Auror Aurelia Fenwick. I didn't know her. She finished auror training year before I joined. Her husband, Benjy took down two Death Eaters afterward."

My mind went fuzzy. "Aren't you scared?" I asked. I was terrified just by standing in this place, llistening to her. But Alice was training to fight in the war. Until now I didn't realize how serious... how real it all was.

"Yes, but I can't just stand in the sidelines and watch the bastards kill innocent people." She balled her hands in fists and a spark of determination lit up in her eyes as she looked at a wreck of the street. She transformed into warrior and I looked at her in admiration. If only I could have her courage. Then another thought occurred to me. I couldn't bring my mom here today. It was too dangerous. What if there was another attack? We would be prime targets, and she would be defenseless. Besides it was better for her not to see how bad things were here.

I took out my wallet and counted my savings. I only had muggle money, but when exchanged, it should cover my school supplies. My mom had been very generous on pocket money this month.

"Alice? Would you mind going shopping for school supplies with me?"

She knitted her eyebrows together in confusion. "I thought we were going for a coffee."

"I know, but now I've somehow lost my appetite," I said truthfully. "And I don't want to bring my mom here."

She nodded in understanding. "Okay, it may be fun. I miss shopping for school," she admitted with a small smile.

We headed off to Gringotts first. Then I decided to get new Hogwarts robes, since my mom would probably make me come back if I didn't. While I was waiting to be fitted I asked Alice about her experience as Head Girl.

"Well, it was great, considering Frank was Head Boy and we had our own quarters," she said with a cheeky grin.

"Alice!" I said scandalized. I really wanted some advice and this was what I got? Naughty girl.

"What? It's a well known fact that Dumbledore has a thing with pairing up couples or future couples as Head students."

"Well, this year he made a mistake." I huffed. "I don't get it. Why he chose us?" When I saw the look my friend was giving me I added. "Don't get me wrong. It's an honor, I know. I just don't understand. I'm not typical Head material. And neither is James for that matter."

"Relax Lily. You are going to be fine. Just be your normal true self. Don't pretend anything and don't let Potter put you down. You are a wonderful person and people will love you if you let them see it." She gave me encouraging smile.

"Thanks Alice." I needed to hear it. To hear someone who knew me from school say I could do it.

"Though do try and keep you temper under control. I've heard some interesting stories from school last year." She gave me a playful wink. I laughed. It was good to joke about it. Made my troubles with Potter seem like an unimportant school squabble. Which, compared to what was happening out here, was pretty much what it was.

After we left Madam Malkin's we went to get my books. Alice peeked at my list.

"That's not the book we used in our seventh year DADA class. New teacher again?"

I lifted my shoulders. I had no idea, though it wouldn't be any surprise. For some reason past three DADA teachers didn't manage to stay longer than a year. Rumor had it that the position was cursed.

When I collected all my school books and a book on beauty charms and potions, which Alice recommended after fine dose of teasing and sniggering, we headed to the apothecary and then it was time to meet with my mom. I thanked Alice for her company and support and wished her luck with her training. She disaparated from the backyard at Leaky Cauldron and I went out to muggle London to meet my mom. She was waiting for me in front of the inn.

"Hey there," she greeted me. Then she noticed the heaps of shopping bags in my arms "What are those?" she asked with a slight frown.

"Uhmm, hi mom, I took the liberty to shop for my school supplies with Alice. She said she missed it, since she no longer goes to school and I had enough pocket money. So I took her shopping with me." I tried to look nonchalant as I explained.

"Oh," she looked disappointed. "Very well then."

"Mom, you have been here every year since I started at Hogwarts." I tried to cheer her up.

"I know, I just haven't _been_ been here for the past two." Here we go again, I sighed. I wished she would just drop the subject of past years. I have already forgiven her. Now I wanted to forget. Seeing the look on my face, she added hastily: "Never mind. I'll repay you for the supplies. You shouldn't use your pocket money on such things. Now, shall we grab some lunch? We have a lot of time before we are to meet with Petunia."

As we were already at Leadenhall market, a place cramped with shops and marekt stalls of every possible kind, we slowly made our way around, looking at various stores we might visit once Petunia joined us, until we spotted a little Italian restaurant where we decided to stop for lunch. While we were eating I enjoyed myself with people watching. I loved the busy atmosphere of the market.

Petunia arrived with a list of London bridal studios she wanted to visit, so after looking in the stores we picked with mom – none of which unfortunately had a selection of evening gowns, we went with Petunia's list, stopping also in stores we passed by that seemed to offer evening gowns. We spent three hours walking around London. At some point I even found myself in Harrods, though mom quickly ushered us out when she spotted the prices in most of the stores there. Then it was Oxford street, by which point my feet were hurting and I was extremely annoyed. Finally my mom decided to take a break and took the turn left, leading us off the busy street. I gratefully followed her. We haven't walked more than a hundred meters however, when I spotted the small shop at the corner of two streets. The title caught my eye. It said Mister Malkin's Gowns for all occasions. I furrowed my brows. It was too similar to the shop in Diagon Alley to be coincidence.

Of course, I didn't say anything about that to Petunia, when I tugged her towards the shop, knowing she would refuse to step in if it truly was a magical shop. Upon our entry a small, bald, middle aged man welcomed us. I watched as Petunia and mom turned their attention to the gowns and stepped closer to the man, whom I assumed to be Mr. Malkin.

"Ehm, excuse me," I cleared my throat silently, not wanting to attract Petunias attention. "Do you happen to know Madame Malkin? She has a shop in Diagon Alley." I asked. Even if the name of the shop _was_ a coincidence, the question was innocent enough.

"Oh, you know my wife," he beamed. I cringed and turned to see if my sister noticed. Luckily, she didn't. He took in my worried face and lowered his voice. "I take it your companions are not familiar with magic."

"I guess you could put it that way." I said dryly. I looked around the shop. It looked perfectly muggle, though the designs of dresses were quite extraordinary. I heard my mom oohing and aahing as she admired the dresses in the bridal section. Even Petunia was impressed and that was the first.

"Wait, are you a wizard?" I asked confused.

"Yes, it would seem so," he nodded.

"But then isn't this illegal? Selling magical items to muggles?" He seemed amused by my semi-accusation.

"My dear, there is nothing magical about these dresses. At least not yet. I design them and my wife sews them." I furrowed my brows. I was pretty sure that Madame Malkin didn't stitch them together by hand. Before I could interrupt him, he added. "Yes, she sews them with help of magic, but a muggle would be able to sew them just the same way. It would just take them more time. We only do magical alternations if a witch purchases the dress. To muggles, they are completely ordinary. Now come along, I think I have one piece that would fit you perfectly."

He led me towards a bunch of dresses in green and blue hues. He reached in and took out a dark green gown. The dress had a rich skirt from some light flowy material with a satin sash below the breast area. The top seemed to be made form a transparent embellished material that covered a tan heart-shaped bodice. I eyed it with distrust. The top seemed to be a little too revealing. Mr. Malkin just pushed it in my hands and turned me towards changing rooms. Sighing I decided to give it a try.

I delicately put the dress on, reaching behind me and zipping it up. Then I turned to face a mirror. My breath hitched. I loved it. The intricate flower pattern embellished on the transparent part of the dress was beautiful and it took a very close look to see that it was indeed held up by sheer fabric. From afar it looked like the individual flowers and leafs were embellished directly on my skin.

"Lily, come out!" mom called. I peaked from changing room around the curtain. She and Petunia were standing beside Mr. Malkin, talking. It seemed Petunia has taken a liking to one of the evening gowns herself and wanted to know if it could be redone as a wedding dress. I pushed away the curtain and stepped into the room. I heard a sharp intake of breath as my mom looked at me. Petunia stopped talking too and gazed at me with wide eyes.

"What?" I asked, worrying that I had damaged the dress somehow. After all it was very delicate.

"You look... wow," mom said, struggling for words. I could see a tear glisten in her eye and was taken aback. Petunia too, was having a hard time to find something bad to say about the dress. My mom continued, sniffing. "My little girls are all grown up now. You look beautiful darling. You should take this dress, it was made for you." I noticed Mr. Malkin nodding approvingly, a mischievous smile on his lips.

I turned to a mirror in the main room and observed the dress once more. Yes, I will definitely take it. When I changed back, I handed the dress to Mr. Malkin to pack it. He took it to the store room. In a few minutes he returned and gave me the dress along with a small note. While mom paid for it I read the note.

_Tap the dress twice with your wand to make it work properly. The incantation is Ornatus Vicissitudo. There is a hidden pocket for wand in the skirt folds._

_Mr_. _Malkin_

_PS: I name every dress I make. Yours is called 'peaceful warrior'. Do it justice._

I smiled at the quirky name and thanked him for the dress once more. Petunia decided too look at some more dresses before she made any commitment, so we left the shop. The street was bathing in an orange glow of late afternoon sun and mom decided it was time to head home. Cokeworth was two hours by car from London, so by the time we arrived, the sun was already setting.

I took my dress and shopping bags to my room, put it in the closet and then threw myself on the bed, telling myself to never take heels for shopping ever again. I observed shadows the last rays of sunshine were creating in my room, thinking about the events of my day. The strange way Black acted, the war waiting for me outside of school, the note from Mr. Malkin. A small smile crept up on my face. Suddenly I couldn't wait for the school year to begin. I was determined to make it the best year of my life.

* * *

A/N: I had a lot of fun writing this chapter. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. And please, please leave a review. It would mean the world to me.

By the way, if there are any fashionistas among you, the dress Lily picks is inspired by Zuhair Murad Embellished satin and tulle gown. You can google it – you will know it, when you see it.


	5. Peace

_"Often times, the greatest peace comes of surrender." - Richard Paul Evans_

**PEACE**

"Slow down Lily, it's only nine," mom chided. I just nodded and continued in my pace. True I still had a lot of time, but I still had a lot to do. I have waited to pack my trunk until last minute, only getting to the task yesterday in the evening, just to find myself asleep on my floor by my trunk at midnight, aching from thew awkward position and the hard floor. I decide to go to bed and wake up early in the morning to finish packing, but it took me longer than I anticipated, since I acquired a lot of new stuff during summer. That's why at this moment, still in my pajamas, I was inhaling my breakfast as quickly as possible, washing it down with a cup of milk. Once my plate was clear I jumped up and made for the basin, but mom stopped me.

"Go on, finish packing, I'll clean up."

"Thanks mom," I hastily kissed her on a cheek and ran to my room.

In a desperate attempt to fit in everything necessary, I decided to first empty my trunk and sort through the rubble that have somehow accumulated at the bottom over the years. Broken quills, empty ink bottles, essays, torn parchment, chocolate frog wrappers, broken mirror, few hair-clips and pins, my prefect badge... all of it was lying on my floor as I sorted through it. Halfway through the pile I came across strange envelope. I looked at it confused for a few seconds and then it hit me. I took a sharp intake of breath and dropped it as if it was on fire. Then I gingerly lifted it and put on pile of things that I planned to repack. I didn't have time to dwell on it now. Picking up a few more items from the pile in front of me and then discarding the rest unceremoniously, I started showing my stuff into trunk. Fortunately, I have already managed to prepare piles of stuff that I needed to pack before I fell asleep yesterday.

I finished packing two minutes past ten. Then I sprinted to shower. At quarter past ten I was jumping around my room, trying to dry my hair with my wand and put on socks at the same time.

At 10:20 I was applying mascara with one hand and lipstick with the other. You don't want to see the result. At 10:25 I was sitting at my trunk, trying to close it again and praying there was some anti-wrinkling charm, because I forgot to pack my gown and now it was very ungracefully stuffed between my books and potion ingredients. At half pas ten I finally made it downstairs with my trunk.

Both my sister an my mother were eying me with amused expression as I entered the kitchen all red and out of breath to say goodbye. I had half a mind to turn around and just leave. But mom stopped me with a bone-crushing hug.

"Bye Lily, I'll miss you," she sniffed. "Have a nice year."

"Bye mom, bye Petunia," I waved to my sister as I untangled myself from mum's hug and made my way out, not expecting a reply from her. To my surprise, I got one.

"By freak, send us a picture from the ball." I turned around – she was smirking at me. I froze in indecision and then I thought _what the hell, so what if we aren't best friends, she is still my sister_. I turned around, ran to her and gave her a hug. _At least she can't stop being my sister and abandon me, unlike some friends._

"I'll miss you Tuney." She patted me awkwardly on the back, obviously uncomfortable in the hug. I smiled once more at mom, who was beaming at me, and then wheeled my trunk outside to our backyard. I had no time to search for a better place to apparate. I just hoped our neighbors weren't looking.

I made it onto the platform at quarter to eleven. Still enough time to get on train and change into my school robes. I hoped the prefect compartment would be still empty. I was pretty sure Potter would be late, since he was generally always late to lessons, but some eager fifth year prefect might make an early appearance. I did when I was appointed.

I levitated my trunk on train, wondering why haven't this occurred to me when I was dragging it down the stairs at home. Then again, it was probably better this way. At least Petunia had no reason to throw a fit about magic. As I approached the prefect compartment at the front of the train I was going over the speech I prepared for the meeting. I was determined to make this position work for me.

I was just about to open the compartment door, when I noticed someone was already in there. Shoot. Now I will have to change in the stuffy bathroom. Sighing I pushed the door open wandering which overenthusiastic fifth year felt the need to ruin my plans.

Surprise, surprise. It was not a fifth year sitting there. James Potter was lounging lazily at one side of compartment, already in his school uniform, reading a magazine about Defense against the dark arts. My eyebrows rose on its own accord.

When he heard me enter he lifted his eyes. He then looked at his wristwatch. "Great," he shut his magazine and put it on the large table in the middle of the compartment, sitting up properly. "You have finally decided to grace me with your presence. And we still have some time to discuss this... arrangement," he said in businesslike tone, apprising me with his eyes. As if I was the irresponsible one here. Was he serious?

"I... I need to change to my robes first," I faltered a bit, too surprised to say anything else.

"Well, go ahead then," he gestured to my trunk. Was he expecting I was going to change in front of him? Like hell. I was about to give him some nasty retort and then leave in a dramatic way, but I had to find my robes first. Pity. That was going to take some time. I knelt beside my trunk and opened it gingerly, scared things would fall out, the way it was cramped full. Unfortunately in my haste I forgot to put my robes on top and I had to dig halfway in my trunk to find them, doing my best to hide mi lacy silky underwear in the process. I knew Potter was watching me with mocking, amused expression on his face.

When I finally pulled my wrinkled school attire out, I only had few minutes to change before prefect would start arriving. So much for discussing this _arrangement_ as Potter put it. And so much for my dignity. Luckily the bathroom by the prefect compartment was empty. I put on my robes and did my best to smooth the wrinkles. Then I combed my hair with my fingers, pinned my Head Girl badge to my chest and took a deep breath. I can do this.

When I reentered the compartment, some prefects were already there. Severus was one of them and he was glaring furiously at Potter, who was returning the favor with just as much ferocity. I quickly walked in and cleared my throat. The two of them in the same room unsupervised screamed trouble.

"Hi," I said to the prefects as I sat down – against my better judgment – next to Potter. Then I turned my look to Severus, who finally stopped shooting daggers at Potter and instead turned his glare to me. I looked him in the eyes trying to keep my expression neutral. He turned away, seemingly unable to hold my gaze. I remembered the discussion I had with Petunia and mom about him. Was it really true? Did I push him away?

I stopped my train of thought as more prefect came in, grateful for the distraction. The situation was uncomfortable enough without me working myself into state.

Few minutes later the compartment was full and it was time to start the meeting. I looked around.

"Shell we start?" I asked James, fidgeting with my hands nervously. He looked completely composed and calm. Right, Mr. perfect.

"Go ahead," he inclined his head, sounding almost bored. Well then.

"Ehm," I cleared my throat. "Hi and welcome." The moment I opened my mouth and every head in the compartment turned to me, my mind went blank and I felt blood rushing to my face. Fortunately no-one said anything about it or laughed. I tried to relax and continue. "My name is Lily Evans. Some of you may remember me from previous years as prefect. I was appointed as Head Girl this year." I heard some of the Slytherins mutter something amongst them and then snigger and I caught some eye-rolls from other prefects, but I chose to ignore it. "The Head Boy here," I gestured to the boy next to me, "is James Potter. I believe most you have found yourselves at the receiving end of at least one of his pranks and thus know him quite well." More muttering and sniggering, this time from all houses.

A Ravenclaw seventh year deadpanned: "Yeah, true role model."

I had a suspicion that the prefect in question, Antonius Bell was just jealous he wasn't picked as a |Head himself and had in fact nothing personal against James, but I answered all the same. "Believe me, Tony, I'm not too pleased with that choice myself." I said it with honest sincerity and a few prefect – including Remus, I noted – laughed in sympathy. The spiteful relationship between Potter and me was well know around the school.

I felt, more than saw Potter's glare on me and decided to move on to another topic, before it spiraled out of control. "Well then, onto our responsibilities." I took out the list of duties.

"As of today it is your duty to report to us any wrongdoing you come across on Hogwarts grounds, on this train or in Hogsmead during the visits. You should serve as a role models to other students. After this meeting - " I was interrupted as a Hufflepuff fifth year girl lifted her hand. "Yes, Amy?" I congratulated myself on remembering the name. I knew all the older prefect, so during holiday I went over the new ones and tried to memorize them.

"What if we catch a Head students in the wrongdoing? Where should we report?" she asked with a glint in her eyes. The question brought more laughs. I sneaked a peek at Potter. He looked annoyed, but kept quiet. I expected him to snap or something. But the question was quite to the point, what with Potters records, so I answered.

"You will report James to me, and vice versa. If you catch us both together, unlikely as it is, then I guess you should go for teacher." I said. "Now, where were we..." I went over their duties on the train, escorting first years, gave out passwords for common rooms, mentioned organization of school events and then I handed out preliminary patrol schedules I created. "We will have another meeting tomorrow evening to go over the schedule in more detail. I trust older students know where the prefect meeting room is and will guide their younger colleagues tomorrow. We will also discuss usage of prefect facilities such as special bathroom and study room. Both of these, as well as Head dormitories are located in the same corridor as the meeting room. The corridor is commonly known as prefect corridor. Now, if you don't have any questions, you may leave."

I watched as the compartment emptied and when only me, Remus and James were left, I released a sight of relief.

"You have done a good job, Lily," Remus prized me and I blushed.

"Yeah, good job Evans," came a voice from the door. Sirius Black was dragging his trunk inside, Pettigrew following his suite. "I just heard a Rawenclaw sixth year telling her colleague that, I quote this, so please, don't hit me – perhaps Evans is not as much of a stuck up prude as she seems to be – to which he replied – she has gotten quite hot over summer too – to which I must add that I heartily agree," he winked at me nonchalantly and I felt my face go tomato red.

Sirius Black was obviously flirting with me. While I was sitting squashed between his two best friends – my crush and my sworn enemy, who had yet to say something since beginning of the prefect meeting. To say I was uncomfortable would be understatement. I didn't know how to deal with this. And the worst part was, that I was quite enjoying the compliments.

"Um, thanks... I guess," I muttered. I lifted myself of the seat. "Excuse me. Bathroom," I mumbled.

I entered the bathroom and splashed cold water on my cheeks. _Get a grip, Evans_, I scolded myself. I like Remus, I like Remus, I like Remus I repeated my mantra. _Black is a pig who is just playing you. _And what's with Potter. First he wants to discuss this with me, then he fails to say one word during meeting? And just if you are wandering – no, I'm not schizophrenic.

When I was calm enough to trust my nerves, I reentered the prefect compartment containing full Marauder assembly. But there was nothing to be done about that, I couldn't kick them out and I had nowhere else to go. They were laughing at some internal joke. I deposited myself on the seat farthest from any of them, which happened to be corner by the door, turned myself towards window, kicked of my shoes and lifted my feat on the seats next to me. Luckily, the compartment was made to accommodate up to thirty people so I had still a plenty of space for myself. Soon, I dozed off.

I woke up to someone gently shaking my shoulder. I opened my eyes and the person jumped up. It was Peter.

"The refreshments cart is here," he informed me. "I thought you might like something, before Sirius eats it out," he said with a light smile.

"Yeah, thanks," I mumbled, my voice still holding traces of sleep. I was touched by this unexpected display of compassion. I told myself to give Peter more credit. I stretched my limbs and took out my wallet. True to her word, my mom had repaid me the money I used on school supplies and I made a quick trip to Gringotts yesterday to change it, so it now held quite a fortune.

I followed Peter to the cart, where rest of the Marauders stood with arms full of sweets. I waited for them to pay, then I picked up a few pumpkin pasties, two cauldron cakes, chocolate frog and a bottle of pumpkin juice. It was shame that the cart didn't offer some legitimate food, because I was starving. Back in the compartment I dumped my purchase on the seat and started on the pasties.

"Yo ona et at all?" Sirius asked me with full mouth. I gave him a disgusted look. He swallowed and asked again. "You gonna eat that all?" he eyed my food skeptically.

"Are you seriously gonna lecture me on the amount of food I should eat, Black?" I asked, with a pointed look to the pile in front of him, which was about thrice as big as mine.

"Right, sorry... It's just... you are so tiny," he mumbled, showing with his hand how small my waist was, looking somewhat abashed.

I just rolled my eyes and let the subject go. When I was done with eating I fished in my trunk for something I could occupy myself with, since Remus was sleeping by the window and the rest of the boys were still stuffing their faces, not that I would willingly join them in any of their activities. I pulled out my sketchbook and settled myself once again in comfortable position with my feet on the seat. I looked around for inspiration. Behind the widow struck a lightening followed by loud thunder. Sometime during the ride a storm started, the dark gloomy clouds and sheets of rain a cause for the train lights to flicker on prematurely. Remus stirred in his seat but continued sleeping. I wandered what it must feel like to involuntarily turn into lone wolf on stormy night. I pictured him, quivering in a rocky alcove and started drawing. I turned into a rather depressive picture.

An hour before our arrival to Hogsmead it was time for me and James to make final rounds on the train and inform students, especially first years, of the arrival procedure. I put my open sketchbook on the table, in order to take a gulp of juice before stuffing all of my possession into trunk. That was a mistake, as Sirius latched onto the opportunity and grabbed the book with a mischievous smile. His smile however froze when he saw the drawing. He looked form me to Remus – who was now engrossed in a book and oblivious to his surroundings – and back to me uncertainly. James, expecting him to comment also peeked at the picture in his best mate's hands and than threw me a suspicious glare. They obviously didn't know that I knew. And I was not going to tell them. I snatched back my sketchbook and stuffed it in my trunk along with uneaten chocolate frog. Then I turned to James.

"It's time for our rounds," I stated in calm but cold voice.

"Right," he said still glaring at me. "Wait for me by the carriages, guys," he waved at his friends.

For about half an hour we walked in silence, only occasionally reproving students who were not yet dressed in school uniform. Then James, apparently still bothered by my drawing stated:

"So... that picture..."

I waited for him to continue, but he didn't so I prompted: "What about it?" I played innocent.

"Er..." I new what he wanted to know, but he couldn't just ask 'Listen, Evans, do you know my best friend is a werewolf?' in case I didn't know. So instead he said: "It was sort of dark."

"I wasn't in the mood for rainbows and unicorns," I said dryly.

"Why? The meeting went great," he said not giving up.

"Well, not thanks to _you,_" I replied, trying to steer conversation to something else. Namely to his so uncharacteristic silence during the meeting.

"You seemed to do just alright by yourself," he snapped angrily at me. Whoa, moody much?

"You were all for talking before the meeting," I tried to contain my own temper. I didn't like it when people were snapping at me for not apparent reasons. "So why don't we talk now. About this _arrangement_, I mean," I said emphasizing the word arrangement. "Well?"

"Right then," he started, going to businesslike tone from the morning, "what I was going to say before meeting and what was so graciously pointed out at the meeting by yourself and that Ravenclaw idiot, I'm not the typical Head Boy material. I don't know why Dumbledore picked me, but what I was going to propose is that I stay out of your hair and you stay out of mine. Frankly, I'm tired of our petty wars and I'm not stupid enough to mess with this position so I'll keep appearances, I won't mess with your work and do what I must, but otherwise I leave you the full control. Okay?"

"No." I stated simply after he finished his rehearsed little speech. I wasn't surprised that he wanted to back out.

"What? Evans, I just offered you a peace and full power." He was annoyed by my refusal.

"I know. And I said no." I wasn't going to let him of the hook so easily.

"What can you possibly dislike about this?" he threw his hands up in the air in despair.

"As much as it is a prestigious position, it is also a lot of work and it's our final year, which means NEWTS are coming up. I'm not doing this alone. You are going to help me whether you like it or not. Besides, thanks to the lot of pranks, courtesy of yours, I'm perceived as a laughing stock at school. Most people think I'm pathetic stuck up prude. You owe it to me." I crossed my hands on my chest and gave him a stern look.

"Evans," he said slowly, as if going to explain something difficult to a mentally challenged person, "you and I can't work together. We are... explosive, when we stay extended periods of time in the company of each other. We don't speak with each other, we just yell."

"We are having a somewhat civil conversation now," I pointed out.

"Yeah, well, that's a first," he muttered.

"Listen, I'm not too thrilled by this and I didn't know what was Dumbledore thinking, picking me and you, since none of us possess all typical Head students characteristics" I admitted, "but after thinking about it I can see some sort of _complementarity_ between us." I had trouble getting those last three words out, they tasted bitter and I could see James dubious look at them. But I continued: "Thanks to reasons I mentioned I'm not much of a leader figure, people laugh at me, but they follow _you_ to the point of stupidity. Yet you are not the most responsible or diligent when it comes to your duties, that's my forte. But neither of us are stupid. I think we can work out some cooperation... without explosiveness."

James was contemplating my words. He didn't like it, that much was clear. But he couldn't argue with my arguments. Slowly he nodded.

"I'm probably going to regret this." He said. I ignored the comment.

"Peace?" I offered him my hand. He grudgingly took it.

"Peace." At that moment a train lurched to stop and I stumbled backwards, but James, holding my hand, kept me from falling. A James from last year would have let me fall or even pushed me down himself.

Suddenly I felt a huge weight lift of my chest. I reached peace with James Potter. True, I didn't know how long it would last, but the promise itself improved my mood immensely.

"You know, you will have to stop harassing people and tune down on pranks," I added as a cheerful afterthought. James didn't appreciate it.

"So I have been told," he said dryly.

We waited until the train emptied, then checked all the compartments. When we were sure all students left, we made our way out. The storm was still raging on, so I cast a quick Impervious on myself and offered the same to James, but he shook his head, still in a foul mood, and jumped out into the rain, soaking to skin in a matter of seconds. _Adolescent boys,_ I rolled my eyes, then I ran out to catch up with him.

* * *

_A/N: I had half of this chapter written when I posted the last one, but I somehow couldn't get around to finish it. But here it is now, the longest chapter so far. (Hey, that rhymes :). Let me know what you think & review, please. Also, I recently drew a picture of Lily and James(as a stag). The link is in my profile, if you are interested._


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